Tuesday, June 14, 2016

The Many Shades of Kanak


Black, White and the Grays in Between is now available on Amazon and Flipkart.

Life has an extraordinary ability to leave you unfulfilled. As easy as it is to acknowledge and be thankful for your blessings, it is equally hard to let go of desires; desires that were never fortunate enough to find wings.

I look ahead and all I see
A vast, endless, and lonely sea
Of all the fears that afflict my heart
The scariest is not being able to hold you close to my heart

She had walked along the vast expanse countless times, both in Mumbai and in Houston. The gulf had an uncanny ability to make her feel closer to her roots. The evening sun looked the same no matter where in the world she was. Its dazzle, once bright and resplendent, was now demure and ready to be enveloped by the infiniteness of the enormous bay. Her accomplishments and desires played the exact same hide and seek each day. The morning sun saw her as a skillful, and compassionate doctor, married to an equally successful and kind man. The evening sun saw her as a broken and desolate woman, a woman who had lost the battle against her own faith.

With every step that she took, she saw her life – a life that she had dreamt of - pass her by. She often wondered why life had denied her the love of a mother. The same remorseless life had also given her a nurturing father, and a kind and passionate lover. The men in her life had supported her, applauded her, and held her close through the turns of life. Each morning she felt gratitude for the forces that had helped her become the woman that many looked up to, but the twilight brought out the real fear and the dejection in her eyes. As the sun submerged itself into the unending horizon every evening, the loneliness in her heart took over, leaving her alone and unfulfilled.

Prayer helped, but just enough to get her through the days. It kept her determination and talent shielded from her emotions and helped her achieve the successes that her father had dreamt for her. Her Pa had introduced her to her faith when she was still a young girl who had never known her mother. Gayatri, he had said, was her mother. She had stared in bewilderment at the idol, seeking the love of a mother in the smiling eyes of the deity that sat on a pink lotus in the center of the temple. From that day on, the goddess had a new daughter. Her name was Kanak.

Black White and the Grays in Between Kanak Prologue


Black, White and the Grays in Between is now available on Amazon and Flipkart.

Friday, June 3, 2016

What Happens When the Clock Counts Down to Zero?


Black White and the Grays in Between Release

06.06.16 - that's the date I picked for the release of my first book, Black, White and the Grays in Between. When I created my website (self-developed and hosted for free with GitHub Pages), I set my fancy countdown timer to 06.06.16. I'm not quite sure what I was expecting would happen when the timer diligently completed its countdown. Would it burst into a joyous hurrah and replace my restrained reaction to the author copies? Would it transform itself into a gazillion Buy Now options, urging everyone and their mother to buy my book? Would it magically be replaced with confetti cannons that would burst with a brilliant eruption of colors and bring hues to my saga of the endless shade of gray?

I wish it would. The vanity of my dreams thinks it should. 

As the developer of the website, I know it can, but it won't.

So, here I am, two days before the release of my book, trying to figure out, what really happens when the clock counts down to zero?

The more I think about it, the more I realize there is no clear answer to that question. In all reality, that is an incredibly hard question to answer. More so, for a first-time author. I've played out the scenarios, repeatedly, in my head. I've thought about the reviews and the judgement and the opinions and the appreciation and the praise. I've also realized that I have thought more about the response to my writing than about my writing. If the real reason for writing was in fact that a few of my favorite words needed expression and a voice, the outcome should hardly matter. If writing is in fact an emotional and visceral experience, its review and appreciation should hardly be of significance.

I woke up thinking about the difference between Goodreads and a good read. I woke up thinking about my Goodreads giveaway that is supposed to open on - surprise, surprise - 06.06.16. I woke up thinking about how many people would want a copy and how many would add it to their to-read shelves. I also woke up amused at myself that I hadn't thought about the ten strangers that may actually read my book and get to know me. I also woke up amused at myself that I hadn't thought about the real reason why I dedicated this book to my parents.

A lot can happen when the clock counts down to zero. A lot can happen when you remember why you set out to do something.

For now, I am going to swap Blogger with Visual Studio for the rest of the day. Back to writing code.